Generally Gemma

over the rainbow

Well folks I am back, my two week break in Spain turned into three and now I am back home it all seems even more of an over the rainbow situation than it normally does. This time it really is a back to reality with a bump. Sitting on the plane Tuesday night I suddenly realised that I have no job to come back to. Not that I had forgotten while I was over there but I did seem to do an awfully good job of just coming to terms with it and not much else. 

Spain is more to me than just the place I grew up. To me it's a place where I go to re balance myself, get some perspective and sort my head out. It's my haven, the place I feel safest in the world and where I go to heal myself. Which I know all sounds awfully new agey and full of crap but it really is the only way I can think of describing it. 

And boy did I ever need those few weeks. I spent my first three or four days sleeping. Sleeping on the sofa, sleeping in the shade by the pool, sleeping in bed. I was incredibly bad value for money for M those first few days! I think I needed that though. Something I've noticed about myself in the past is that when I am getting depressed I hibernate, I sleep, almost as though the fact of being awake and thinking is just to much effort. It's almost as though my mind puts itself into a self induced coma in order to be able to deal with the horror that is going on in my waking life. I know that there are worse things than losing a job and I know that I've dealt with worse, but the living breathing awareness of being unemployed is something I've never experienced and it is the future of it that fills me with dread more than anything else. 

I had intended when I was away to write my cv and start doing some internet job searching, but the reality is that I didn't. I spent three weeks putting the inevitable off and I've spent two days since I've returned doing much the same thing. But yesterday I made a cup of tea, sat down and tried to put down in a coherent manner on paper what it is I can do. And there is nothing like the bald facts in black and white that makes you feel like you haven't achieved anything in your life. I've spent the last eight years working for a small company that have molded me into the ideal person for their work. And I am fast coming to the conclusion that I am, as the old saying goes, a jack of all trades and a master of none. I can do a bit of web design, a bit of graphics work, I can file, answer the phone and I make a mean cup of tea. How on earth you can translate that into a marketable skill is something that is a bit beyond me at the moment. But I have made a start and I am hoping that when I sit back down at the desk today that some more inspiration will have hit and I can manage to string together a personal statement before hitting the job agencies on Monday.

One thing I have realised is that this isn't what I want to do. I don't think anyone wakes up one morning and says, hey I know, I want to be an administrator! I fell into this and I don't think I can handle another who knows how many years just doing something for the sake of money. I'm not saying I want to change the world, and we certainly don't have the money for me to go back to university or extensively retrain. But I need to do something else. I am thinking about looking into teaching assistant jobs and seeing if I can find anything that will remotely pay me anywhere near what I was on at my last job. In the meantime though I need to find something to pay the bills. 

I "signed on" for unemployment/job seekers allowance yesterday. A soul destroying moment if ever there was one. I never thought I would be making that phone call. And discovering that the most I am entitled to isn't even enough to cover my monthly household outgoings never mind food or anything else was an utter eye opener. Apparently you have to "work the system" and what amounts to lying, is just something I can't stomach or bring myself to do. 

So that folks is where I am at. I just wanted to say thank you so much for your comments and the emails I've received from you all. I know I haven't replied to any of you but every time I tried I just sat and wept over my keyboard. The idea that there are people out there who I have never met who are so incredibly understanding and supportive is more than my poor little heart could take at the time. But please just know that even though I haven't replied doesn't mean they weren't appreciated from the bottom of my heart. 

cooking squid

After my last post a few people asked what M and I actually did with our squiddy bit and pieces after all that ridiculous effort in cleaning them! I didn't take any pictures of that process because I was sunbathing by that stage in the day and she had done it all by the time I got back into the house!

What she did though was slice the squid into strips and put the strips and the tentacle bits into marinade. We used some olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, chili flakes and salt and pepper. When you get fish as fresh as those squid were as a family we tend to prefer to go light on the flavourings so that fish remains the main star of the show. 

So we let them marinade for a few hours and then we slapped them on the plancha for a bit. (If I was doing this at home I would just use a really hot frying pan.) Let them cook until they are a solid white colour and just starting to get a bit of colour round the edges. It shouldn't take longer than a few minutes. 

We had ours as you can see with salad and some really nice bread. I am a sucker for tasty bread. In fact the only time I broke my diet all holiday was for bread. Lovely stuff!

G doesn't eat fish. He has said if we do anything as revolting as cleaning/cooking squid in his presence he will refuse to come to Spain again! He watched the video. I don't think he took the title as seriously as he should have done!

not for the squeamish!

M and I decided to try our hands at making chiperons, a sort of squid, from scratch the other day and mainly to repulse G and inform Bro I decided that I would video the proceedings! If you are of a somewhat squeamish nature though it might be best not to press play! 

 

Very tasty it was too! We marinated the pieces in olive oil, lemon juice/zest, chili and of course salt and pepper! Although it was an awful lot of work for quite little end product it was worth doing just to say that we had done it! 

The Bear Flies

If you've been following Gemma's twitter you will know that she and I are having a much needed in rest in Spain being looked after by M. On the way over I decided to tell Gemma that she should really take some pictures out of the window of the journey that she and I have made so many times. Although some people did seem to rather laugh at her taking me out of my travel bag! What is so funny about that I have no idea! Surely every thirty year old has a favored traveling companion!

Gemma loves this view, she says that she always knows when she is getting close to the Spanish coast because the vivid greens of so much else of Europe fade to tans, browns and army coloured greens. I think the arrangements of fields from the air look awfully like the funny sewing she does like the quilt on our bed.

Just before the plane starts descending you start to hit three or four of these lakes. Gemma starts practically jumping up and down in her seat at this point because she knows it is less than half an hour at this point until she is touching down in Malaga. I tend to be put back in bag now because the ladies in uniform won't let her keep her bag out of the overhead lockers and I am much safer that way. To be honest even when she used to cuddle me all the way there and back I never really liked take off and landing all that much. But I did ask her to take a few pictures for me so that I could see if anything has changed!

I was awfully glad to see this one because it meant that the plane was going to go out to sea before coming into land which has always been one of our favorite bits of the journey. Seeing all the sun loungers on the sand and knowing that this time tomorrow Gemma will be one of them! Not me though, Bears don't really like the water you know. Sand is especially difficult to get out of our fur!

Gemma and I always used to try and see if we could see home on the way in but in more than twenty years of this journey we've never been able to pick it out! It looks especially pretty at night when you are landing in the dark and all of the lights from the coast are twinkling. 

Once Gemma thinks she even saw M and D driving down this road in their little red car to get her! It seems likely because they saw her plane going over as they were driving in! How funny it would be if that were true!

And this is one of the best views in the world to all of us. It's the one you see the instant that the wheels touch down. Gemma says that the minute that happens she feels a huge weight lifting off her shoulders because she knows that from the second she sets foot in Spain she doesn't have to be grown up anymore or worry about anything because M will take of it all!

We haven't had many adventures since we've been here. I of course being The Bear don't really leave the house I am far too precious for that. Gemma tends to drift between pool, restaurant and supermarket and doesn't really want to do much else. Although I think she has had a few visitors! She is so tired when she comes to bed at night that she hasn't really had too much time to tell me all about it! 

The first few days we were here she seemed to do nothing but sleep, that was nice for me though because it meant that she and I had lots of cuddles on the sofa in front of the tv under the fan. I think that she is feeling much better now though, she is certainly sleeping less! After the shock she had before we came here I think that she needed lots of sleep and rest. I am so glad she is feeling better. 

I am sure that when Gemma has a bit of time to spare from all the sunbathing she is doing that she will come and talk to you again. But I hope that in the meantime you haven't minded me The Bear having a little chat with you!

Mess

I have things to tell you and Wimbledon pictures to post but I've been thrown a bit by bad news today. I was made redundant and I've been completely knocked sideways by it. Gin is the answer just not too sure what the question is at the moment.